Those no longer with us are why we are here

June 26, 2008

Those no longer with us are why we are here


I am acutely aware of the presence of our friends and family members who have died. The premature deaths of Lindy, Shelle, and Eileen made us acutely aware of not delaying this adventure until retirement. The dementia of Mamacita made us recognize that even if one is granted longevity, its quality can be compromised. The overall message: Do Not Wait for the "Right Time" because it may never come. I am forever grateful to my partner in crime for hearing the same message and allowing us to act upon my long-time fantasy.

Playing games has always made the presence of Eileen, Shelle, and Lindy more "there" for me. Our 15+ year monthly Scrabble games complete with incredible gourmet meals provided by Lindy, Shelle and Rachel were a highlight of each month-and with Lindy’s death in 1998, Eileen didn’t miss a beat, picking up where Lindy left off in meal planning and preparation (though much to her chagrin, not her Scrabble wins). No one ever came close to Lindy’s skill at Scrabble though Shelle was closest. (Rachel and Eileen were next and I was a distant fifth). Our Scrabble nights were filled with howls of laughter, an incredible amount of whining, lots of work gossip, relationship trauma/drama (one marriage, one divorce, one widowed, and multiple separations by the same 2! during those years), and much swearing about all of the above, not the least of which was the score.

When Lindy died it was like most of the air went out of the room. After a few months, we reluctantly agreed to continue because we knew she’d want us to and it was too weird not to. To us, she was larger than life while alive, and in death she remained so, especially during Scrabble. WWLD-what would Lindy do?- became our mantra for all of our Scrabble strategizing. We remembered how to laugh again and imitated her no end. We could have set a place for her and it would have been no different.

In 2005, August, none of us knew that the Scrabble we played that night would be our last together. That 5 would become 2. Eileen was getting ready for a vacation with her true love, Debbie- and Shelle, a year into her cancer diagnosis was doing pretty well, still working and beginning to plan a trip to Chile in October. As we were entering Labor Day weekend, I received one of those heart stopping phone calls-our dear friend Eileen had sustained a major heart attack while on vacation in Oregon. Less than a week later, she was dead. Shelle, Rachel and I were devastated, of course, and shocked to the core. She was only 54, how could this be? She had survived breast cancer years earlier. She was fit; she was happy.

In October 2005 we decided to join Shelle on her trip to Chile-another one of those no-brainer decisions when your friend (also 54) has inoperable lung cancer. She/We hiked to the glaciers, enjoyed the penguins, ate like the champion eaters and drinkers we are, and had a fabulous time. Once home, in November she began working from home as her illness was beginning to take more of its invariable toll. She insisted on preparing the Thanksgiving meal for twelve as she had been doing for years but that was probably the last meal I would say she completely enjoyed. December brought more of a decline but she rallied to join us for a Christmas eve meal at our place. At the end of December she was hospitalized and, while in the hospital for what turned out to be the last two weeks of her life. The night before a surgery that she hoped would help her breathe a little better (but one she would never wake up from) she said, "Let’s play Scrabble". And high as a kite on painkillers, wouldn’t you know she beat the pants off of us- and yes, we were trying and yet, we still accused her of taking advantage of our pity. Shelle, victorious to the end.

Notice I never said that I’d make a long story short. It’s not short but it is why whenever Rachel asks if I want to play Scrabble, I act like I didn’t hear her or I quickly suggest another game. But I know she knows. She doesn’t ask twice. Siegy worries that maybe our lives will be jeopardized by the game-as if there is a curse on us as players or the tiles are asbestos. I know she just wants to protect us.

But Scrabble came with us to Alessandria (it’s ALWAYS with us) and when the time is right, I’m pretty sure we’ll play again. For the moment though, it’s enough for us to enjoy thinking about Lindy, Shelle and Eileen having a fabulous game without us, somewhere, whining and laughing. And they’d be proud of us getting on with our lives- and especially with my incredible card playing ability.

SCORE UPDATE: CRIBBAGE, STILL TIED 8-8; HOLLYWOOD 19-9 (USA)!!