Do Something!

August 09, 2008

This week, one of my mother’s old friends wrote to me; I’d been in touch to let her know of our current Italian sojourn. As with most people, she let us know that she’s happy for us and hopes we will
enjoy our time. But, then she went on to add something that has been a bit of a struggle for both Kim and me and that is how we spend our time. In other words, are we keeping b u s y e n o u g h? Her wise words were,”Be sure to ENJOY la dolce fa niente”. Translation: enjoy the sweetness of nothing; just being.

Hardly a day passes where we don’t have a conversation about did we do something worthwhile today with the unspoken but very clear message, did we accomplish something? There is a big implication that it’s not okay to “just be” or just do nothing. Although we often do manage to accomplish nothing we do also manage to judge ourselves.

Why is not okay to just be, especially when we know that this “doing nothing” is time limited and that before we know it, we will be back in Seattle, looking for jobs, mowing the lawn and craving the weekend? I continually study Chinese medicine and history for heaven’s sakes; I’m supposed to understand the Dao and importance of being in the moment! The other day we were chatting with our Albanian friend, Julia. Kim was asking her about the work hours here in Italy for mainly “office workers”. Julia responded that usually the hours run from 8:30-Noon, followed by afternoon rest and resumption of work from 2 – 4:30. Hmmm, quick calculation on Kim’s part and she announced, “Why, that’s only a total of 6 hours; are you sure—only 30 hours per week”? Later, while we were out accomplishing a walk we discussed “how amazing” those short hours are and wondered, “Is that full time? Are benefits involved”?

At night we often joke with one another about what we’ll do tomorrow. Kim may say, “Tomorrow I’m going to shower AND clip my nails”. I respond with, “Will you do that all at once or will you break it up over the day”? We tend to take turns being defensive about not accomplishing something worthwhile even though quite regularly we do floss, take calcium, eat a Mediterranean diet, drink red wine, read and do brain stretching activities by studying and practicing Italian. These are ALL of the things that “THEY” say one “SHOULD” be doing to remain healthy and live a long, non long term care life. The one big omission is aerobic exercising or power walking but it’s too bloody hot and that could lead to death, a big contraindication.

Even now, as I read this aloud to Kim she says quickly, “But we’re social workers; shouldn’t we be contributing…” She quickly asks me, do I want her to proof read what I’ve written so far? No, I’m just getting started with my “long story short” and she quietly comments, “I was just trying to stay busy”.

Kim communicates regularly with her dear friend Ellen who is currently living in Honduras. Ellen went by herself and is in a small village. Regularly she writes and sends pictures of her many encounters with “la gente--the people”. She organizes the building of a play ground, she visits kindergartens, she meets with a mayor of another local village to try to help get a small school built; she fund-raises. She travels for miles over dirt, deep hole rutted roads to learn to grind corn by hand to make fresh tortillas while learning to throw mud pots. There is often no water or electricity. Ellen is a one person Peace Corps with boundless energy and unending daily activities. Did I mention that it’s really HOT in Honduras? Bless her! She is amazing and I have such great admiration for her but also, secretly I think “oh man, I hope Kim doesn’t get any ideas”. How totally bad is that? Bad. Bad. Bad.

While in Seattle, before we left and for sure knew that we were coming to Italy, we had long discussions about how a year off would manifest. We did talk very seriously about the Peace Corps but ultimately, you know what we decided. Salient points that nixed the PC were that at this point in our lives, we want our toilets to flush (plus to have one in our living quarters!), and to have electricity, and clean running water. (Oh shhhhhh, and for now we do not wish to volunteer). Also, secretly, I wanted to be somewhere where I could easily use a hair dryer.

Again, as I read this aloud to Kim she defensively adds, “But we ARE social workers and have been all of our lives. I work with the mentally ill; you worked with drug addicts for years. Do we HAVE to always be doing “good work?” We’ll be social workers for the rest of our lives….AND besides, before Ellen left, she was a musician…” Do you see how complex and circular this gets??

So, for now I will have to be satisfied that we did take a very long walk to buy a new boom box so that I can play the many Italian language tapes we brought. I am busily studying Italian. I go shopping many times per week. I do all of the cooking and food prep. I trouble shoot when the computer doesn’t work. I watch my favorite program with Rex the dog and other programs as accompaniments to my Italian lessons. I help hang the laundry and rotate it when necessary. I reposition our fan in the rooms as necessary. I am reading regularly and now have added watching the Olympics through the eyes of the Italian Rai sports broadcasters (another Italian boosting exercise).

And for my future, who knows? For the first time in oh so many years, I have allowed my hair to dry naturally and only use a hair dryer if I really want to.